


fighting for home

by sweeetmonstrosity



Series: Marvel Fluff Bingo 2019 [10]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Getting Back Together, M/M, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Sad with a Happy Ending, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, mentions of Bucky Barnes - Freeform, mentions of peter parker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-12-21 01:54:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21066836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweeetmonstrosity/pseuds/sweeetmonstrosity
Summary: it was one of his biggest fears that he would lose the people he loved in battle when he could have stopped it. And now that it’s happened, he chose to let go of the one he loved in fear of losing him, too.





	fighting for home

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my wonderful [ ANT❤️ ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ANTchan/pseuds/ANTchan) for being afantastic beta for this fic!
> 
> This here fills some bingo squares:  
MFB square B2 – Mind Reading  
Stony Bingo square O3 - Free Space
> 
> * This is kind of a canon divergence/ Infinity War AU where Sam survives the snap, Bucky and Peter do not, and Tony was able to return home to the compound with the others that did survive. ~~

Steve was at the compound simply because Natasha asked him to come over and he knew if he didn’t, she would hunt him down and drag his ass back there.

He hasn’t been to the tower or the compound in months, not since he and Tony split up. There really wasn’t any reason for him to go back there. His apartment building had a gym if he wanted to lift weights and if he wanted to run, he went out and did that in the park. Sam, being the best kind of friend, went and got all his stuff from Tony’s place since he was – and still is – mourning the loss of his best and longest friend and his teammates and the innocent people that all got dusted with him.

Steve hadn’t even really had the chance to mourn the fact that the relationship with the man he planned on marrying some day had ended right when Steve thought they would need each other the most.

There was a constant ache in his heart. Anything he thought about reminded him of the times he spent with Tony or Bucky or any other members of their team. There was rarely a time when he didn’t feel his heart break a little more when another memory popped into his head. Which,  _ he thinks _ , is why Natasha called him to come over and catch up. This way he would have time being out of his own head, out of living in memories of the ones that aren’t around anymore.

But, the second he steps foot into the parking lot of the compound, he can tell something big is going to happen today. Maybe Nat is going to tell him she found Clint and brought him back, or Sam will have some big news to share. He doesn’t know, but the niggling feeling grows stronger the closer he gets to the doors.

Stepping inside, he gets a rush of memories of being with Tony here. He shakes them off and pushes those thoughts to the back of his mind to deal with later, when he’s alone. He doesn’t even realize the niggling feeling in the back of his head stops once he reaches the closed elevator doors. The second they open, Steve knows exactly what the feeling he was getting is about. Because there, standing at the back of the elevator, with his hair sticking up in all directions, wrinkled sweats and a sweater and red marks going across one side of his face, is Tony Stark himself.

The next second is when Tony looks up to see why no one had stepped inside with him and notices Steve. And the first thing that comes out of Tony’s mouth, before he even has the chance to think is: “Yes, I know this is your sweatshirt and that we broke up five months ago but it’s really comfy okay. I totally don’t wear it because like it still kind of smells like you or is the only thing that even remotely feels like home since you moved out. Pfft. Absolutely not.”

Steve stands frozen long enough for the elevator doors to start closing and Tony holds his hand out to keep them open. “You going up or are you just going to stand here in the lobby, soldier?”

Tony watches as Steve frowns and steps inside quickly, hitting the floor number to the common room. After a minute of silence, but what feels like eons, Steve finally speaks. “You don’t get to call me that, anymore. You lost that right when we broke up.”

“Stevie, can we talk about that night? I really think we should.”

Steve stiffens and takes an infinitesimal step towards the door.

“There isn’t anything to talk about, Tony. You told me to leave and when I tried to stay, the things you said, they hurt and proved how serious you were. What do you expect to happen? Me falling to my knees just because you say that us being together made you feel like you had a home?”

Tony hits the emergency stop button and moves to stand right in front of Steve. “No, Steve. I expect you to realize something was severely wrong enough for me to push you away. You were supposed to fight for me, Rogers. I’ve always been all kinds of messed up and you always were the god damned mind reader. You always knew what I was trying to say even when I said nothing at all but one time _ ,  _ the  _ one god damned time _ I need my boyfriend to be a mind reader and know exactly what I meant to say but was too scared to actually say it, you let the demon win and you walked away. You just turned your stupid, super soldier muscle-y back on me and walked away when I was falling apart. So, I’m sorry that the first time I see the love of my life, after he just disappeared out of my life, I do what I should have done months ago and just said how being with you made me feel safe and protected and I needed that. I needed  _ you,  _ Steve.”

“I needed you too, Tony. Bucky was just snapped away with half the universe and-”

“So was Peter!” Tony interrupts and pauses to take a shaky breath. “I lost the kid, Stevie. He was in my arms, begging me to not let him go and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it. I had the chance to kill Thanos but I failed and the cost of my failure was the kid.” Tony replays the horrifying memories and realizes this was the first time he ever said this out loud and he lets out a sob as he falls to his knees.

“And that’s why you pushed me away. Because you felt like you’re the reason this all happened? That whoever you bring in gets hurt in the end?”

Tony lets out a strangled, angry, tearful laugh. “Look who decided to become the mind reader again.”

Steve drops next to Tony, all the anger and hurt leaving his body. He reaches out to pull tony to him, when his hands get slapped away by the man next to him. “No, Steve. You don’t get to try to comfort me now. Not when you’ve never been there when I needed you before and don’t act like you don’t know what I'm talking about because you do.”

“Tony,” Steve sighs, “there hasn’t been a time when I left you when you needed me. Tell me what you’re talking about.”

Tony shifts his body slightly away from Steve’s and wraps his arms around his middle as he curls in on himself. “You were there for a lot of the times I cracked under the pressure, you’re right about that. But when it was something life-changing, when it was something that involved something more than just us, when it was either me or Bucky - you always chose him. And the thing that hurts a lot more than you just always choosing him is you did it, every single time, without as much as a thought about me and if I would be okay. You just left, every single time like I’ve never mattered to you a day in your life.”

“I never chose him over you, Tony, and I never meant to make you feel like I did.”

“You did though, Stevie! Instead of trusting me when I said not to get involved in finding him after the attack in Vienna and Ross wanted us to sign the Accords, you turned your back on me and still went after him! I wanted to bring him in to get everything straightened out so he was cleared as a suspect and instead what did I get when I went to Siberia? A maniac showing me that the person you always choose over me, was ordered to kill my dad and then killed my mom too just because she was in the car. You _ knew _ what he did to my parents and you  **chose** to keep it from me until you were forced to tell the truth, then you fought _ with _ him;  _ against  _ me!” Tony screams with tears running over his cheeks. “And again, with no thought as to how I felt about watching the evidence of him killing them, you didn’t try to apologize for keeping it from me and you didn’t try to ask if I was okay or needed you to do anything, you just reacted and chose his side. I get he was brainwashed for 70 years, I understand it wasn’t his actual choice to murder my parents that night, Steve. I get it! But I had every right to react the way I did because I was lied to, by you and Bucky and everyone else who knew and Zemo wouldn’t have stopped until I  _ saw  _ it with my own eyes. But you still chose to react with immediate defense for him. Which is what broke me enough to make me keep fighting back against you both.”

Steve has tears gathering in his eyes and he feels his heart drop as he listens to his love sob over the times he didn’t even realize he wasn’t there for Tony. He reaches to grab Tony’s hand and hesitates before he settles his hand softly on top of his love’s. Steve can feel Tony’s hand tense immediately after he touches it but he doesn’t pull away again.

“I’m sorry, darlin’. I never saw it like that, I never tried to see how it would look from your eyes. I was just trying to help Buck the best I could and I suppose old habits die hard because when we were kids it was us two against the world and that’s how it felt when everything started happening.” Steve let out a shaky breath and softly squeezed his love’s hand. “I should have done better and thought of how you would feel but that selfish part of me would think ‘ _ Tony would understand because he would do the same things if it were Rhodey _ ’ and now that I think about it like that, I can see how shitty it could potentially feel if you constantly ran off to help him without thinking of me.”

“It always felt so shitty, Steve. Every single time I turned around and you were running off the other way without as much as a glance back in my direction, it felt so fucking shitty. But I never said anything because I was terrified of the answer I would get if you were forced to choose. And now Peter’s gone and you’re gone and half the entire universe is gone because I fucked up, Steve. I failed because I wasn’t good enough, strong enough. I-”

Steve places a hand over Tony’s mouth and softly shushes him. He pulls Tony into his arms and holds him tightly against his chest. For a few minutes they just sit there, wrapped together while Steve whispers sweet words into Tony’s ear.

“This isn’t on just you, doll. You aren’t the only one that was fighting that day, we all failed. And we will figure out a way to fix this. We will work our asses off for as long as it takes until we bring everyone back, okay?” 

In the quiet of the elevator after Steve’s declaration of working to get everyone back, he hears in the smallest, most heart-breaking voice he has ever heard come from Tony’s mouth, “what if I can’t?” And it stuns Steve. Hearing the love of his life question himself and his abilities to avenge the very people he swore to protect, it makes him absolutely speechless for a moment.

And in the next, with the most conviction Tony’s ever heard come from his super soldier he hears, “You can’t. But together, we can - we  _ will _ bring everyone back Tony, I promise you that. I won’t rest ‘til that boy is back in your arms, Bucky’s back for Sam to finally ask out and take care of and the rest of the world is back to how it should be.”

Tony nods and grips Steve’s hand as they sit in silence and take comfort in each other and in the fact that they will make things right again in the universe. 

After what feels like hours, the two men finally stand and Tony pushes the emergency stop button to get the elevator moving again just as FRIDAY finally comes through the elevator system. “Boss, should I make it an order of dinner for two?”

Steve slightly jolts as Tony suddenly lets out a laugh and slowly one of the biggest smiles covers his face as he listens to Tony answer to FRIDAY. 

“Yeah, a dinner for two sounds good Fri. From the usual place, please.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it!  
Let me know what you think!  
& thank you for reading! <3


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